Ok, so it’s no secret that women want the cool guy. And the cool guy only wants to be friends with other cool guys (meaning, if you want cool guy friends, you better be cool too). So it seems obvious that you’d want to be that cool guy, right?
Luckily, it’s a lot easier than you might think. You see, despite what the average teen movie would have you believe, you don’t need to be handsome or rich, and stuffing nerds into lockers and dumpsters does not a cool guy make.
My friend Austin is a perfect example of a truly cool guy. What makes him so cool? He’s nice to everyone. He appreciates everyone. He does NOT think he’s too cool for anyone.
This is counter intuitive to what most pick up artists teach. They suggest that to appear cool, you need to “DHV” (demonstrate higher value) and “AMOG” (stands for alpha male of the group) the other guys that could potentially be cooler than you—amogging them makes them look stupid. These techniques are the signs of guys who deep down, know they aren’t really all that cool, so they have to pretend.
Back to Austin, and why he’s the cool guy. Recently, Austin played a show locally (he’s a musician) and afterwards he took the time to go around and personally thank everyone for coming. He really appreciated our support. Not in a cheesy, fake way; he genuinely was grateful that we chose to come support him and enjoy the music instead of doing any other of a million things we could have done instead.
It’s his appreciation for his friends, family, and fans that make him cool. If he had acted like we were all idiots who clearly didn’t have anything better to do, or if he had decided he was above hanging with “the masses,” he would be acting like a douche.
Lots of guys are so petrified to appear needy that they go to the other extreme and start acting like they are untouchable Gods that always have something better to do and some place better to be…and then they wonder why, at the end of the night, they are back on the couch in mom’s basement.
You want to be the cool guy? Make the people around you know that you appreciate their presence in your life.
With people in the service industry (like waiters), be kind, ask them “how’s it going?” and thank them. Tip generously.
With your friends, make the effort and express appreciation when it’s reciprocated (“Hey man, thanks for coming out tonight. Great to see you.”).
With women, a compliment to show how much you enjoy being with her goes a long way. Doesn’t have to be heartfelt poetry, just a quick, sweet line (“Glad I picked you to spend my Friday night with.”)
If someone, especially a woman, does think you’re some kind of freak for actually enjoying their company, that’s because they are insecure, not because you’re actually uncool. Think about it: if someone thinks there’s something wrong with you for liking them, they must not think much of themselves; even if they act like they are too cool for you, it’s clearly the other way around.
So chill out, appreciate the people around you, and enjoy being the cool guy.
Liz – Great post.
I've focused on doing these things in my life over the last year, and it's paid BIG social and business dividends. The key is to be genuinely interested (focused and present) in who someone is, and what they have to say – AND, have NO hidden agenda going into a conversation.
We live in a very "low-trust" environment nowadays – people (and especially women) are skeptical about almost everything and everyone they meet. When
you're real and authentic with others (and yourself), you're building a foundation of trust and goodwill – which in turn, leads to others having more confidence in you… and you gaining more confidence in yourself.
And it's the foundation to creating a really cool and exciting life.
Guys – progress in your life won't come about overnight, but you'll have a lot fewer regrets living life this way.
Keep these kind of posts coming Liz – thanks for taking time to write this post.
Liz, Great in building trust among a group of people in an evening situation where the guard and shields are up. I will give this ice breaker a try.
Good work Liz,
It seems like when you get out of highschool the rules change big time. Most of that alpha crap doesnt cut it anymore. Inteligent women will see that as overcompensating for say a small penis? haha. If you treat the little people like they are below you, how will you treat your women in a few weeks, months, years? A powerfull leader treats everyone well and most people want to follow. Its called generosity and it flows out of you. Quality women will see this trait right off the bat and it always comes back to you. You nailed it right Liz. Rx
I stopped reading after you said the guy was in a band. If he's in a band, everything else doesn't really matter. Sure it's better to be nice to people, but it's A LOT better to be in a band.
I'd be more affected by a story of a guy who doesn't play music, hasn't had a job for seven years, doesn't have an ability to speak about any subject in any situation and by virtue only of his kindness to others he has sex all the time with models. Are you more SEXUALLY attracted to the Dalai Lama or the drummer of some band whose name you don't even know?
The guy of whom you speak most likely does not disdain *non*-model girls.
You know, like you seem to do …?
P.S. The Dalai Lama is hot.
Disdain seems like a harsh word. I want everyone to be happy no matter what they look like. Is that disdain to you? I'm attracted to some beautiful women who would not be hired by modeling agencies. Is that what you mean? I'm not attracted to any ugly girls. I don't apologize for this. It's just how I was made. Believe me, if I could choose, I would instantly choose to be attracted to the ugly girls who are attracted to me.
Great article!
My friend is just like this. He's super polite, very friendly, and everyone just loves him! When I first met him many years ago, I was more stand-offish in social situations… Seeing how friendly he was went against everything I thought I knew. What I realized after seeing how nice this guy is…and how much people respect him and think he's cool…is that you can still be very friendly without having to be a complete jerk. Big eye-opener for me.
Great article!
My friend is just like this. He is friends with everyone, doesn’t have any enemies, and he’s just an all-around likable guy. When I first met him many years ago, I still had a lot of that garbage in my head you talk about (acting aloof and treating people lower status than me.)
What shocked me is that everyone loved this guy, yet he was EXTREMELY polite and friendly. Everything he was doing seemed the complete opposite of what I thought I knew, and he was surrounded by girls, and literally the most connected guy in the entire city’s nightlife.
Seeing that really opened my eyes. I saw that this guy was getting some major results (women, popularity, etc.) and wasn’t the least bit douchy about it. What I learned from that is if you’re confident with yourself, there’s no need to act aloof and holier-than-thou. In fact, it actually has the opposite effect…it makes you appear insecure to others because you have to make others feel lower than you to feel confident in yourself.
That was a huge eye-opener for me, and this article really nails that point.