Decoding “Bad” Advice From Women

It’s no surprise that lots of men are skeptical about taking advice from a woman—even the smart ones (like yours truly of course). There’s a lot of advice that your mom, sisters, best female friends, and exes, and other dating advice websites will tell you…

And then you try it, and it doesn’t work, right?

Some of this advice is outdated, and some of it contradicts what you might have heard from pick-up artists or other dating coaches. And because of this, is might seem like women don’t know what they are talking about when they dispense these gems.

Actually, It’s pretty good advice if you know how interpret it. So I’ve put together a quick translation from “woman” to English. Enjoy!

“Bad” Piece of Advice #1: Women Want Nice Guys

When a woman says “I want a nice guy”  she’s being sincere, but she’s leaving out the rest of the sentence. What she really meant to say was, “I want to be attracted to a nice guy.”

All of us women have nice guy friends that would make the perfect boyfriend. Oh, if only we were attracted to him instead of those other assholes that brake our heart!

If you’re in the friend zone and you’re wondering why she hasn’t “noticed” that you’d be perfect for her, um, she has noticed, and it’s likely that she’s just as frustrated about it as you are.

Attraction isn’t something we can control. So yes, it’s true that women are generally attracted to more aggressive “bad boys” than they are to the nice guys. Butwe so wish that a nice guy would also be attractive, because that’s actually the total package a woman desires.

Women everywhere truly do want to fall in love with the nice, sweet, boyfriend material guys, and we also want these guys to be powerful and sexy. What makes a man powerful and sexy is his ability to take charge and take the lead. If you’re the nice guy who also takes charge, then you’ll have your pick of women.

“Bad” Piece of Advice #2: Give Her Flowers (or Chocolates, or Jewelry)

It goes something like this: you have a crush on the cutie barista at your local Starbucks. You ask your sister what girls like from a guy. She stops and thinks to herself, “What do I like?” She then tells you what she likes from “a guy.”

She’s not lying. She’s not confused or illogical. She’s not stupid. But come on, you and I both know that if you walk into Starbucks with a dozen red ones, you probably will just make a fool of yourself.

So what’s going on here?

What’s going on is that when she rummaged around in her mind for the answer to your question, she probably pictured a guy she is already dating bringing her flowers.

But you’re not dating the Starbucks barista…yet. Once she’s your girlfriend, those flowers will come in handy.

In the meantime, when you see her (or any woman you like), all you need to do is stay relaxed, smile, and say hello.

“Bad” Piece of Advice #3: Compliment Her, Be Chivalrous, Be a Gentleman

Pickup Artists everywhere will tell you that this doesn’t work, but this is a lot like the nice guy thing. When you know how to do it well, a little chivalry will go a long way.

What women are really asking for is a modern-day version of a knight in shining armor on a white horse. Ok, so maybe that’s a little much, but underneath that, a woman is describing someone who is masculine.

Giving compliments, opening doors, pulling out her chair, walking on the side of the sidewalk that’s closer to the street, and even (gasp!) picking up the tab on your first date—these are all indicators of a masculine man. Yes, you can still be masculine even if you don’t do any of this stuff. None of this is required, but rest assured that this stuff does work when it comes from a confident, secure man.

Women want you to be masculine. That’s what creates attraction. Being masculine is not about being a macho jerk who pushes other people around. It’s about leading, taking charge, being generous and taking care of others.

“Bad” Piece of Advice #4: Just Be Yourself

Oh man, this one hurts, right?

Most of the people who dispense this gem are already married to their 7^th grade sweetheart and have no f-ing idea what it’s like to be out there in the real world trying to meet someone.

Realize these people mean well, and they also are under the false impression that what you need to do is keep doing exactly what you’ve been doing, and eventually by some magic force of fate, the planets will align and your dream girl will land in your lap.

Yeah, right.

Look, if what you’re doing right now isn’t getting you what you want, don’t keep doing the same thing—that’s silly.

Learn everything you can about women and what we find attractive. Try different techniques. Go to different venues. Get the heck out of your comfort zone!

And yes, you do want to be yourself. But here’s the thing: that nervous spaz of a man that shows up whenever you’re talking to a pretty lady is not yourself.

The friends and family who tell you to be yourself do so because when you’re around them, you probably are a pretty relaxed and cool guy. They see that guy and think, “There’s nothing wrong with him…there’s no reason why women wouldn’t want him.” And they are right.

Sometimes—ok, most of the time, we have to learn how to be ourselves. We have to shed layers of anxiety and insecurity in order to let our true selves show through. When you can do that, “just being yourself” will be a huge turn on.

So remember, even the most off the wall pieces of advice have a kernel of truth to them. Listen to everyone who has your best interest in mind, and take it all with a grain of salt. It’s no secret that men and women communicate differently, so sometimes you just need a translator to dig the diamond out of the rough.