‘Tis the season for giving… which can be awkward if you’ve just started dating someone.
If you get her a gift, you run the risk of appearing to be too forward, but if you don’t get her a gift, you run the risk of appearing cheap or disinterested.
I’ve talked to more than a few guys who, when faced with this situation, have taken a stance against holiday gift giving in general as a way to mask the fact that they have no idea what to do. (“The holiday season is all about greed and consumerism anyway!”)
Last year, one of my friends had just started dating a girl when the holidays rolled around. I asked him what he was going to get her. His reply?
“Nothing.”
Sensing the inevitable crash landing he’d endure with that move (or lack of move, really), I encouraged him to at least get her a small symbolic token of some sort, even if he wasn’t up for shelling out for a full blown gift.
He spent the next ten minutes giving me the standard rant about how the holidays had gotten too commercial, how it was so much stress, and how he didn’t feel like he should have to buy into all that just to show this girl how much he liked her. He went into the politics of capitalism and how he didn’t want to participate in a culture of greed.
My response?
“Yeah, you’re probably right. So, do you think she’d be happy if you got her a gift?”
Sheepishly he said, “Um, yeah…”
“And, do you think she’ll be disappointed if you don’t get her anything?”
“Yeah, I know she’ll be disappointed.”
“Do you want her to be happy or disappointed for the holidays?”
After a moment…
“F-ck, I need to get her a gift.”
Bottom line is, you’re better off giving her something, even if you just started dating. If you don’t, chances are she will be disappointed if you don’t get her anything, even if she never tells you.
That said, if you’ve had one date with her and you present her with a homemade collage of poems you wrote about your love, she will likely seek out the nearest exit and never call you again.
A Few Holiday Gift Ideas
These will work well for women you’ve been dating for less than 6 months:
Take her out somewhere nice. No, Chili’s doesn’t count. This is probably the best way to go if you have no idea what gift to buy—and it also doesn’t give her the wrong impression because it’s actually just an ordinary date that you’d probably end up taking her out on anyway. When you invite her out, explicitly state that this is your holiday gift. For example, “I want to take you out to XYZ Restaurant—it’s my Christmas gift to you.” Then don’t make a big deal out of it; just act like it’s any other date.
Books/Movies/Music that you like. I know it sounds lame, but what’s actually lame is the gift card. If you give a woman a gift certificate so she can get whatever she wants, you might as well write in the card, “I have no idea who you are and what you might like, so you’re on your own.” Not a good move. If you don’t know what she might like, then get her something that you like that you think she might like too. For example, “This book really changed my life. Hopefully you’ll get that much value out of it, too.” Whether or not she actually likes it doesn’t matter as much as the fact that your intention was to share part of your life with her.
Happy shopping—and happy holidays!
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Liz Leia started as the editor for Sean Stephenson's Inner Game Magazine, where she wrote a monthly newsletter titled "Getting Inside a Woman." The newsletter offered the woman's perspective on what women are really attracted to. Sean started getting an overwhelming response from men that they appreciated Liz's fresh and unique perspective on what it truly takes to be the kind of man that attracts women. After writing her first eBook, Liz became a certified NLP Master Practitioner and began coaching men around the world. When Inner Game Magazine closed in May 2009, Liz launched her own company, Getting Inside a Woman. Liz has since been interviewed by several experts in the field of social dynamics, regularly blogs on Pickup Podcast, and continues to successfully coach men around the world.
