In Part 1 I talked about how picking up the tab on your dates will instantly make it easier to create more attraction with a woman. No, I’m not part of some conspiracy to get men to give up everything they own to the fairer sex. I’m just being honest.
Most people are concerned with making things fair. While fairness is very useful in many contexts, it is an attraction killer, because fairness gets rid of tension, and attraction is created by tension.
The women you will meet likely grew up with more modern ideas about being an independent woman, and she has lost touch with her deep, feminine desire to be taken care of by a man. Most women you meet will feel guilt and shame about wanting you to pay for her when you go out on a date. Those same women will feel freakin’ incredible when they realize that you want to take care of them just because they are beautiful creatures full of love.
So what about you?
Are you just supposed to be the bank that funds her fun, feminine time in life? Um, no…actually, if that happens then you’re dating a gold-digger. Gold-diggers are useless and need to be kicked to the curb—pronto.
What do you get in return for taking care of your woman?
Appreciation.
I don’t mean a half-hearted “Thanks, honey.” That’s crap. I’m talking about your woman constantly glowing and radiating with happiness because you are her man. She constantly tells you what a great man you really are. She brags about you to all her friends nonstop. Basically, if you want your woman—and everyone else in your life—to know that you are the man, this is how to get that.
Sexual Surrender.
Ok, this does NOT mean that a woman owes you sex because you bought her something. A woman doesn’t owe you anything, ever, just because you picked up the tab—no matter how expensive it was.
However, when you set the standard that you are a man in charge and you take care of things, a woman will take the unconscious cue that she can fully relax and surrender to you in all areas—including sexually. In other words, you will have better, hotter sex.
More Financial Control.
I know it seems like it would be the other way around, but actually, the more you pick up the tab, the more financial control you have in your interactions with women, and over time you will probably SAVE money in a relationship.
When you set the frame that you are the one paying for things, a woman will likely go along with it. When you set the frame that you two split things 50/50—the control of the finances will become 50/50 too. That means you will have to do a lot more compromising about where to go on dates, and you will probably end up splitting the tab at a more expensive place than you would have otherwise gone to.
Do the math:
50/50 split relationship frame: You suggest a lunch spot with $7 sandwiches, she suggests a “really cute” café that will cost about $30 a person. You compromise on a lunch spot that costs you each $20. The vibe is fair and friendly.
Masculine takes care of feminine relationship frame: You take charge and decide to take her to the $7 sandwich place (it’s hot when you make decisions).You treat her to lunch, spending a total of $14. The vibe is sexy and fun.
It’s kind of a no-brainer.
Yes, a woman will still suggest more expensive things and test this boundary, but if it’s understood that you are paying, then when you say, “No, I’m not spending $20 on a drink. Let’s go somewhere else,” she will be much more likely to respect that. She will see that you can handle your finances—which is sexy.
She takes care of you too.
When I have a man taking charge and taking care of me without expecting anything in return, it’s my joy and pleasure to give to him, too. It’s my joy and pleasure to treat him to lunch, massage his shoulders, and actually, do whatever else he needs or wants.
This feels so much better than doing something out of the guilt and obligation of keeping things fair. I absolutely can’t stand the nagging thought of, “Well, he got lunch last week, so I’ll get the drinks tonight…” That’s a fast way to drain the sexual attraction, which brings me to…
Attraction that lasts past the honeymoon phase of a relationship.
When I think about the moment that the honeymoon phase died in my past relationships, it pretty much always been the moment that I realized the days of him taking me out are over and it’s time for that practical, 50/50 partnership where everything gets split down the middle.
In Part 1, I mentioned an 80 minute conversation with a female friend about how paying for yourself—or at least offering—is the polite thing to do. She says she happily expects to always pay for herself.
This same woman, a couple years ago, didn’t have sex with her boyfriend for six months because, “he never takes me out anymore, and so I just don’t feel romantic and attracted to him.”
Just recently I had a guy I’ve been dating for a few months buy a meal (1 meal that we were going to share!) and then turn around and ask me, “Do you have cash?” I handed over $6 in cash, knowing that the fun part of the relationship had just ended.
Seriously, is it worth it to kill the attraction in your relationship for six lousy bucks?
No, of course, not, but most of us are so programmed to make everything “fair” that we aren’t even aware we are doing it.
Forget fairness.
Man up, take care of your woman, and take her out on dates—in return she will appreciate you, stay attracted to you, and treat you well for weeks, months, and years to come.
