I want to share with you something profound that one of my teachers said in a screenwriting class I took several years ago. Although she said it to help one of my classmates improve his pages, it’s a perfect metaphor for dating.
But first, I have a question for you…
Are you hanging on to a woman that you don’t really like?
Are you terrified of what will happen if you “lose” her?
(Ok, that was two questions)
Look, I’ll be the first to admit that before I started learning about dating and relationships and building up my confidence, I was pretty, um, clingy.
I would date guys that I really didn’t respect or connect with that much–yet, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing them, because I knew that if they left, I would be left with a big empty space in my life.
Anyway, there I was in my screenwriting class, reading a classmate’s pages that were so hilarious all of us in the workshop had tears in our eyes we were laughing so hard. However, when the commotion died down…
Our brilliant teacher calmly told my classmate that while his pages were indeed funny, they didn’t work. They didn’t work with the story he was trying to write.
At first I thought, “Is she nuts? These pages are brilliant!”
But then I realized she was right…even though what he had written was entertaining, it actually didn’t integrate at all with the rest of his story.
Then, the teacher said the words that changed my life.
She looked at my classmate and said,
“Don’t worry, you obviously have the ability to write great comedy, so you’ll be ok cutting this scene because you can trust that whatever you replace it with will be even better.”
To this day, when something in my life doesn’t quite “work with the rest of my story,” I let it go.
It’s not always easy, but I remind myself that whatever I replace it with will be even better, just like the scene in my classmate’s screenplay.
But actually, there are two profound lessons to take away from this story…
1. No two things can occupy the same space at the same time.
If you don’t let go of something that doesn’t work for you, you can’t get something that does.
If you are letting a merely “decent” woman occupy space in your life, then there isn’t room for an amazing woman.
And no, there is no loophole…like dating two women at once to “cover the bases.” If you try to date a lot of women just to ensure that there will never be “empty space” in your life then you will always be filling up that space with women that are less than what you want.
So instead of imagining that there will be a vacuum in your life once you let go of a woman you don’t like, think of it as making room for the woman (or women) that are really what you want.
2. If you’ve done it once, you can do it again.
My teacher knew that my classmate would be able to let go of a scene that didn’t work and replace it with a scene that did because he had already proven, time and time again, that he had the ability to write funny scenes.
The same is true for you. If you attracted one woman into your life, you can attract more.
Let go of the idea that you have to stay where you are because no one else will want you.
There are over six billion people on earth, half of which are women. In other words, there really are plenty of fish in the sea.
So remember, if there’s a woman in your life right now that “doesn’t work with the story you’re trying to tell,” cut her out of your life. Know that you are constantly rewriting the story of your life, and you will always be able to put something—and someone–more fun and fulfilling in the pages ahead.
