Last weekend I was sitting outside having lunch with a female friend of mine. We were having a great time together…until a cheesy, sleazy guy rolled up and starting hitting on me.
Now I will always give a guy the benefit of the doubt when he first approaches, so when he stopped and said, “Hey, you look familiar…” I played along for about 30 seconds. When it became clear though that this guy was just wasting our time, we asked him to leave—and had to ask several times before he actually did.
In case you hadn’t gotten the memo, approaching and flirting with a woman is supposed to make her day, not ruin it.
So I’m gonna break down the interaction with you, so you don’t make these classic mistakes.
1. Don’t ask for a girl’s phone number until you’ve established attraction and connection.
I know, seems like it should be painfully obvious, and yet, this guy’s third sentence was, “Can I call you sometime?”
Don’t assume that she will give you her number so you can then call her and “see if there’s something there”. There has to already be something there for a woman to feel comfortable giving out her contact info.
Oh, and asking for email or Facebook instead of a phone number because it’s “less threatening” is stupid. If you’ve properly created attraction and built rapport, then she won’t feel “threatened” by you anyway.
2. Don’t put her on the spot for rejecting you.
When I told this guy that he couldn’t have my phone number, he asked, “Why not?”
AAAAHHHHHH!
Every woman has a nicey-nice response to guys like this—mine is “I don’t give out my phone number to anyone outside of my family and close friends.” Yea, right.
Do you really need to hear her fabricated response? No. There’s only one reason why a woman has turned you down—she’s not interested.
And yes, I know, this should also be painfully obvious. However, it’s come to my attention that there are a few people out there peddling the advice that a woman “likes the chase” and “is playing hard to get” and she really wants you to persist.
I’ll admit that this is true for a small fraction of the time, but look, as a man who is in demand and has choices, do you really have time for these games? No. So whether her rejection is real or fake, as far as you are concerned, no means no and it’s time to move on.
Now this guy actually took it one step further and then made a scene by yelling,
“Why don’t you just tell me I’m a creep and that you want me to get lost?”
Thanks buddy, now everyone dining on the outdoor patio is looking at me thinking I’m a heartless b-word.
A woman has every right to turn you down. Again, accept it and move on.
3. Don’t keep talking to her once she’s turned you down.
This needs no further explanation.
4. Don’t hit on her friend once she turns you down.
This is seriously desperate behavior and it will not impress anyone.
Besides, no woman wants to be second prize.
The real overall issue here, though, is that this guy had the classic mindset of women as objects, and then he got upset when we responded like human beings.
Once he left, my friend literally expressed fear to me—“that guy was scary.”
Don’t be that guy.
Every woman out there is waiting for a guy to make her smile, laugh, and enjoy her time with him. This is a lot easier than it sounds. You don’t have to be super witty or funny—you just have to relax and engage her in a real conversation instead of a pick-up routine.
When you approach a woman, focus on creating a fun connection with her. She’s not a goal to be scored.
