The other day I was on the phone with a guy who is going through a coaching program with me.
As fortune would have it, on this day we were talking about how to use one’s VOICE to project confidence and masculinity—two cornerstones of the “Big Four”, of course.
In the case of my friend on the other end of the phone (and on the other side of the world), he had gone for literally DECADES without realizing how his manner of speaking had been CRATERING his chances with women.
Being all about promoting his future success, I shared with him some objective ways he could effectively alter his speech patterns to become infinitely more attractive while still being his authentic, true self.
I Was All About Being The Voice of Encouragement.
In my heart and mind, I knew my friend would see a DRAMATIC difference in how his interactions with women went…if only he’d take the next few weeks to intentionalize just a few new habits.
But on the other end of the phone, all I heard at first was DISCOURAGEMENT.
“Aw man…I realize now that I’ve been doing what we’re talking about for over THIRTY YEARS. How can I expect to COMPLETELY ERADICATE these bad habits? That sounds all but IMPOSSIBLE.”
That’s When I Told Him How The “85/15 Rule” Works.
Basically, the “85/15 Rule” says that if you can get the basics of masculinity and confidence down just 85% of the time, you’ll have done what it takes to convince a woman you’re the REAL DEAL.
That’s right. You don’t have to be perfect.
Remember, women are HUMAN BEINGS just like you. Unless they’re a rare variety of psycho, I promise they aren’t sitting around waiting for you to misstep in the slightest so they can cut you off. I don’t care what the PUA crowd would have you believe. Even the hottest women on earth are NOT going to demand PERFECTION from you.
In fact–are you sitting down for this?
If You Are “Mr. Perfect”,
You May As Well Be “Mr. Nice Guy” While You’re At It.
Why?
Simple…you’re going to come off as “Mr. Impossible” in the end if you’re EITHER “Mr. Perfect” or “Mr. Nice Guy”. She’s going to think you’re faking it. She’s going to think you have an agenda.
And to make matters worse, coming off like you want to be “Mr. Perfect” has an even WORSE angle: She’s going to feel she can’t live up to your “flawless execution”.
Look, we already know that many, many women—especially the particularly attractive ones—are VERY self-conscious. They don’t want to “mess up” any more than you do on a date.
And how about this? Remember the THIRD part of the “Big Four”? You know, INSPIRING CONFIDENCE. If you seem like you can do NO WRONG, all you’re doing is making her feel MORE self-conscious and MORE like she needs to walk on eggshells so as not to humiliate herself somehow.
Think I’m Kidding?
Here’s a gut check for you: Have you ever gone on a PERFECT DATE, only to have the woman RUN AWAY and never be heard from again afterward?
And are you STILL trying to piece together what could possibly have gone awry?
I’m telling you…your act could have been TOO together. A little ketchup on the cuff or trip over the shoelaces could have actually put her at ease.
And yes…maybe ONE SMALL hint at genuine interest a bit too early or ONE SLIGHT OVERREACTION to something she said may have actually been a GOOD THING for you to have mixed in there.
Again, not enough to paint you as a needy, high-strung Chihuahua or a “desperado”…but JUST ENOUGH to make her bite her lower lip in the slightest, sexiest way and think, “You know what, I think he might like me after all.”
By now you may be thinking I’ve been spending too much time tuning 2-stroke engines with the garage door closed again.
But If You Don’t Believe Me, Believe Emily.
I can still remember the first time I lost my cool about something in her presence… only three weeks after we started dating.
She THANKED me afterward!
To my utter shock and awe, she told me she felt more at ease knowing I messed stuff up sometimes.
No kidding, for a few awkward minutes there before she said anything, I thought she was about to walk out of my life forever.
So no, women don’t demand or even WANT “perfection”.
What they want is a MAN who is a masculine and confident at his core…but still a HUMAN BEING who they can relate to. That’s where the “85/15” part comes in.
Now to be perfectly clear, we’re talking about MASCULINITY and CONFIDENCE here.
You can’t expect to make her feel unsafe in your presence 15% of the time or commit blatant breaches of character 15% of the time. It might be “one strike and you’re out” on the bigger stuff, as well it should be.
But if in your normal, day-to-day interactions with her you can portray solid masculine confidence at least 85% of the time, then a few small mistakes won’t do you in. She’ll consider the REAL you to be the confident, masculine version she’s USED to having in her life.
And think about it, if she runs her own feminine version of 85/15 around you, won’t YOU feel tons more at ease interacting with her? Thought so.
The problem is that in today’s feminized culture, many guys feel it’s required to MAN UP only about 15% of the time… if that.
The rest of the time? It’s “Neuter City”, baby.
The Good News
By now I’ve spent a LOT of time coaching a LOT of guys, and here’s something I’ve found to be almost universally true: If a man is willing to apply himself to breaking an old habit in favor of a newer, better one he REALLY CAN go from “15/85” to “85/15” very quickly.
Sometimes it’s literally a matter of a FEW DAYS.
Most of us are just too complacent to do anything about what’s holding us back.
OR, we never find out WHAT IT IS that’s been holding us back.
How’s THAT for a scary thought?
Seriously. Our FRIENDS aren’t going to tell us. And usually the WOMEN we go out with themselves will NEVER SAY ANYTHING… they just won’t answer the phone the next time you call.
But one thing’s for sure. There are high quality women out there waiting for YOU to get your act together.
Well… at least 85% together, right? 
Be Good,
Scot McKay
