I have a lot of guys ask me about what happens as a woman in a club. They want to know what’s going on in
our heads as we watch men approach, or watch them NOT approach. They want to know what we’re thinking, what we’re looking for, what we notice, what we react
to.
I want to back it up a bit.
Everyone has their own reasons for being a part of this community. Some want to learn how to be comfortable in any kind of social situation. Others want to know how to get laid as often as possible. Many tell me that they want to find a great girl and marry her one day, but they want to be able to choose that girl, not just settle for who comes to them.
So here’s something to keep in mind.
That great girl might not be the super-hottie with the perfect boobs, legs, hair and face that you and every other guy in the club is immediately and repeatedly drawn to.
I don’t hate. I know you’re wired that way. That’s why I mentioned boobs first. I wanted to make sure I had your attention. So now that I have it, here’s a women’s perspective of what happens in a club, or any other mixed crowd.
Most of us are hanging out, also noticing the look and carriage of the people coming in and milling around us. We notice the girls and compare ourselves and our groups to other girls and their groups. We notice the boys, each of us taking first note of the ones that have whatever qualities draw us in, things we might not even be aware of. We take notes, just like y’all do, thinking “Hmm!” at all the things that we see and like about you.
Then we notice that you’re all looking at the same group of high-maintenance chicas with the intricately woven hairstyles, the shortest, tightest skirts and lowest, tightest tops, highest
heels, fake baked glowing skin, false eyelashes, fake boobs or at least pushup bras and fake French-manicured nails.
Sigh.
I’m not a hater. I don’t hate those girls. They’re doing what they can with what they have, and bless their little hearts for it. That’s all any of us can do, really. Some of those girls are my friends, and we don’t hate you guys for looking at what they’re showing, because that’s what you’re supposed to do. They WANT you to look, and they do a great job of giving you something to look at.
But I’m going to give you a woman’s perspective, and that’s where it all starts for you.
Introduction to a woman happens as soon as you become a blip on her radar. Your true introduction might well have been made before you even set foot in the venue.
Your first impression might well have been seeing you with your boys ogling that exact same group of girls that every other guy in the place can’t seem to keep his eyes off. If you are high-fiving or pointing and making hip-thrusting motions that doesn’t make a very good first impression. Neither does standing against the wall, watching with wanting eyes.
If you circle that group slowly for an hour like a cheetah stalking its prey, working up the courage to get closer that is not a good look for a guy, or his confidence level, and confidence definitely breeds attraction. If you are seen drooling over other girls and you come “slumming” to us later on in the evening it definitely doesn’t work in your favor, and makes it harder to take you serious at all.
The point is that if you act like every guy or how the average guy is acting you’re just making it harder for yourself to get noticed.
Just as most guys aren’t Brad Pitt or Morris Chestnut, most girls aren’t Angelina Jolie or Rihanna. Just as you know it, we know it and we don’t care to be reminded of it in such an
inelegant manner. So if you’ve ever said to yourself, “I just want women to take the time to see the REAL me!” remember it works both ways. Women just want you to see the real them, too.
Those high-maintenance girls are probably great people. They’re genetically or cosmetically gifted enough to come in the most glittery, sparkly, most highly “peacocked” packages. No doubt, they’re visually stunning.
There are loads of packages that are every bit as pretty, though maybe not as flashy. However, even if you decide your only objective for the evening is a shiny object, take a moment to appreciate the rest of what’s out there as well. It could be every bit as valuable, or more.
Yes, you might be hurting a girl’s feelings by passing her over for the shinier objects at first. Worse, though, is that you might be hurting your own chances of meeting that great girl you’ve been working for.
