So you hit it off with a woman and then she tells you that she has a boyfriend.
If you really have balls – and you have to do this with extreme confidence – you can to look her directly in the eyes and say, “listen, I’m going to lay it flat out for you. I rarely meet someone that I find this attractive, and you’ve got fucking killer energy.”
Continue, “here’s what I’m going to do: I know that there’s a chance in life that this boyfriend of yours – and he’s your boyfriend, not your husband – might not work out in the future. I’m not someone who is going to squash your relationship; I’m not going to tell you to break up with him, and I don’t want to be your friend.”
It’s not that I don’t like being friends with women, but I don’t want to be the shoulder to cry on. So you say all that and then you just smile. You can even play it up a little bit and play it off as a joke: “I don’t like wearing dresses; I’m not one of the girls.”
You keep going, “but I have to tell you something – you have a dynamic presence. If you ever break up with him, here is my card. Tuck it away in a corner; put it on the shelf in your shoe closet – I don’t care where you put it. But if you break up with him, you and I are going to get together and I’m going to get to know you better.”
If you can say that with confidence, hand her that card, and then with the theme music to a movie in your head, you touch her lightly on the arm and ask, “what was your name?” She says, “Amy.”
You respond, “Amy, it was a pleasure. We will be seeing each other soon.” And then you walk away smoothly.
She will tell her friends and her friends will not believe her. Her friends will say, “what are you talking about? Why are you still going out with Joe? Come on, go out with that guy!” And she’ll have your card. She’ll produce that card.
You have to play the percentages. Just because she’s in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s a good or healthy one. You don’t have time to find out if it’s good or not – you’re not a girl. You don’t want to find out about the depth of her relationship with another guy.
But you are willing to play the cards. And when you play that card, it will get passed around to her friends. “Was he hot?” they will ask. “Oh my god, he was hot,” she will say, and they’ll say, “text him, text him!”
If you have that confidence, you never know what might happen. I have done this before and received random text messages a few days later. You ask, “who is this?” and she responds, “it’s Magazine Girl!”
If you really want to get in touch with her, get sensual with her and give her a nickname. “Alright, Magazine Girl, I’ll see you later.” “Alright, Chocolate Girl, I’ll see you later.” Giving her a nickname creates immediate intimacy.
Doing this takes total balls!
photo by MoonSoleil
Good to know. I just had an experience like this New Years Eve and now I know how to handle it next time it comes up. But I need to get me a card.
Why aren’t these guys teaching about ethics. Do you really want to be that guy? Relationships have there ups and downs. Don’t be the sleaze who waits around or gets lucky with a girl in a down phase of a relationship. Believe me if you can do that with a girl with a boyfriend you would make that jump with married woman as well. No excuse for it.
Edited by admin for language
“Stinkfist” — No need for the name-calling I removed from your comment. You ruined an otherwise valid insight. Part of the reason we have posts like this one up here is to spur discussion of these topics
I disagree with this article. In my opinion, if I were a guy, I would leave well enough alone and walk away from the situation if the girl has a boyfriend. If on her own terms she decides that her current relationship isn’t fulfilling enough and she would prefer to date others, possibly you, then she needs to come to that conclusion on her own. Think about it: why would you “sell” yourself like that? The fact that you would want to put the cliché “bug in her ear” is a bad idea.
Don’t mess with fate! If you and her were meant to date, then some kind of higher power will make it happen. And lastly, what if you had a girlfriend and some guy gave her his number “in case her relationship doesn’t work out.” How would that make you feel?
Or, conversely, say you are ballsy, give her your card, and she breaks up with her boyfriend and starts dating you. What’s to say that history won’t repeat itself and somewhere down the road she breaks up with you under the same pretenses?
Couldn’t you say that you were messing with fate by not taking advantage of this opportunity to meet each other? The universe is rarely going to put two people together in the perfect scenario; shit goes wrong. If her relationship is strong and fullfiling nothing I say will break that. By doing what is prescribed I am only going to make her feel good. And is that not the ultimate goal? To make someone’s day is a great feeling.
“Don’t mess with fate! If you and her were meant to date, then some kind of higher power will make it happen. And lastly, what if you had a girlfriend and some guy gave her his number “in case her relationship doesn’t work out.” How would that make you feel?”
^^^
see I get what you’re saying, but I agree with the article because it’s the most respectful and neutral way of compromise. If some guy did that to my girlfriend, and I was pissed it would prove how insecure I was in my own relationship and show her I’m freakin out cuz I don’t think I have the balls or value to maintain our relationship.
And fate? I decided the only thing that is destined are opportunities, the outcome of those opportunities is up to you. We make our own “fate”
Excellent article David, you are my guru.
~ Dave
If some guy did that to my girlfriend, and I was pissed it would prove how insecure I was in my own relationship and show her I’m freakin out cuz I don’t think I have the balls or value to maintain our relationship.
^^^
If a girl was secure, that wouldn’t even be a conversation she would bring up to her boyfriend.
I think this is also a good test of the boyfriend’s character. If he is confident in himself and his relationship, he should be happy for her, and glad that he has a high-value woman; if he’s insecure, he might freak out about it, and be jealous. What kind of guy does she want to be with?
why not? it’s an interesting thing that happened. if you were both secure in your relationship, you can talk about anything.
anyway, there are meaningful, deep relationships and then there are relationships that happen because two people have nothing better to do. maybe im just a sap, but i don’t think seduction tactics would put a dent in the first kind. the second kind…well, you’re prob doing both of them a favor.
I have had the experience of a man doing this to me while I was in a relationship. I did go back and tell my friends. The difference lies in the outcome of the situation.
Whereas he states that the girl and her friends will automatically think positively about him, my friends and I regarded him as a creep and proceeded to make jokes about him behind his back.
The problem is that he was too aggressive and came off as disrespectful and selfish by choosing to dismiss my relationship as insignificant. Regardless of the status of the relationship, if I have informed you of the presence of a man in my life, you need to respect it.
Perhaps this tactic works with other women…just none of the women I know.
Regardless of the status of someone’s relationship, you need to respect it. And doing the above prescribed action can come off as disrespectful. When a boy did follow those same tactics, I did go off and tell my friends. I did show them his business card and facebook messages. The result was entirely different though, I never responded back and he became a running joke within my group of friends: He became the dirty creeper.
Women love to be chased and know that other men, besides their current significant other, find them desirable. But telling a woman her presence is dynamic, you want to get to know her better, you’re just waiting for her relationship to fail (as you undoubtedly believe it will)…And then asking for her number? You’re not going to pass GO.
It does take a lot of confidence to do this move and to some degree it should be respected. I understand why you felt disrespected, but you also gotta look at it from the guy’s point of view. In this one life you have the opportunity to meet the women of your dreams, when you think you’ve found her you put the pedal to the metal and just go for it because you never know, she could be the women of you’ve been waiting for. Life is simply about risks and taking chances.
yeah Noodle you bring respectable points to the discussion table. The number one thing is you need to respect someone else’s relationship and not come across like you said that guy did; as her relationship is insignificant.
I’ve had girls I bantered with at bars and clubs tell me how they were sorry, that they had a boyfriend. I laugh and turn to them and say; “why the heck are you sorry?! That is great, You’re still interesting and he’s a lucky guy.” they reply usually with; “yeah well I felt bad, you seem like a really great guy…”
this REALLY takes balls, I’ve wanted to try a similar opener before but I kept forgetting about it when i go out (having too much fun)
Noodle,
You got some really good points but there is a difference between being aggressive and being confident.
Being confident is about knowing that you are a good guy and giving the people the opportunity to meet and get with you, yet not getting outcome dependent.
Too many men are afraid of playing the odds.
If the woman has a good relationship with her boyfriend, you got to respect that.
Men need to learn to just show their intent more powerfully. The example shows that I respect her for not trying to pursue her any further however, I’m also being honest by letting her know I like her for more than friends.
The choice is hers.
I made no assumption on the health of her relationship.
The thing that I really like about this idea is that it essentially magnifies whatever is already there.
If you’re a confident, well balanced, and articulate guy who tries something similar to this, you will come off as being even more confident, balanced, and articulate than you already are.
Likewise, if you DON’T have that confidence in yourself, you will come of as even more needy and undeserving of a relationship than you really are. I’m sure everybody at least knows a guy who was interested in somebody in a relationship and just sat on the side, hoping that it didn’t work out and for one reason or another, she would pick him for her next beau. I know I was that guy at one point.
interesting read. last Friday i actually had an interesting encounter on the subject, i find myslef outside smoking with this 9er of a girl, probably one of the most cute girls ive ever met. i knew her kind of before. so i knew she had a boyfriend, but there we stand and shes like
“…. like my boyfriend”
me: “i diddnt know you had a boyfriend”
her: “well dont tell this to anyone, but we are not realy that close anymore”
and i diddnt know how to handle that. the most painfull memory i ever had was when a guy stole my girlfriend once. so therefore ive had the mentality of never do that to anyone ever. but this “rutine” if im allowed to call it that. is a good inspiration and lesson on how to handle situations like that again. thanks guys!
Sounds like good stuff, I’ll need some serious balls to pull this off though.
I love this, and I’ve done something like it before. The effect the words had on her was amazing. I knew I had made her day, maybe her week.
who cares if she got a guy i got balls
Love the new site design guys! The boyfriend and the relationship is up to her to manage. You only have to deal with her relationship to you.
Later on this gets more complex, but for the most part guys think way too much about it.
Love the article
If she has a boyfreind and still wants to have some fun. I want be judging