Masculinity from the Female Perspective

After completing the introductory period into the pick-up arts, many of my clients hit a place I like to call “the dark spot.” After the initial rush of positive reinforcement from women, these “recovering average frustrated chumps” get an emotional high. However, after the realization that they are just collecting empty phone numbers, they come down from the apex and fall into “the dark spot.” It’s the period of doubt, epiphany, and realized hypocrisy that every person who has graduated into the mid to upper echelons of the pick-up arts has been through. As a woman teaching men to improve the quality of their lifestyles, I’ve gone through the deepest dark spot imaginable: I felt like a traitor to both sexes. I taught men how to screw-over women and taught men how to ignore who they really were.
Of course, we either come out of the dark spot and realize it’s about lifestyle rather than sex, or we pack up and go home. I did the former.

Most successful third-generation “Pick-Up Artists” have followed the same trajectory.  My unique experience as a female coach for men has given me an interesting if not unconventional view of masculinity in our current western society. My experience as a friend, family member, enemy, and lover of many men during my lifetime coupled with my love for research on the subject have lead me to an interesting idea: modern men are bred either beta or alpha omega.

Are the pick-up arts demeaning to women? I’ve heard some men claim that they have lost respect for most women the more they delve into certain “methods.” I’ve also heard some men feel that they have reduced the function of women in their lives as mere notches on the belt to mastery of the arts.

A common generalization in our society states that men want to sleep with as many women as possible. This claim is apparently “backed-up” by evolutionist thinkers who akin promiscuity to ancient seed-spreading practices among primitive humanoids. My theory, augmented by some of the newest scientific and behavioral studies published, puts this antiquated idea in the toss pile along with other outdated “scientific” facts (such as AIDS is a purely homosexual “disorder.”) In our society, men are not driven by a genetic impulse to screw as many quality women as possible. Rather, I venture that modern men are driven by the need to feel like a winner with women.  I am always intrigued by psycholinguistic research. By studying our modern society’s relationships with words, phrases, and thought, experts can delve into the common subconscious of our culture.

Albert Katz, a psychologist from the University of Western Ontario, explored alpha male linguistics. He discovered that acknowledgments of gratitude are filled with subconscious hierarchical thought.  In [Katz’s] study, people responded to written scenarios that described them doing someone a favor. Manipulating the “cost” of favors in terms of time, effort, or money. Katz and two colleagues asked the volunteers to choose responses to thanks and justify their choices. Not surprisingly, open-ended phrases like “anytime” and “whatever you need” were used less when favors were costly.

But there was also this surprising finding: When men used “anytime”- and explained their choice as an invitation to be asked to perform the favor again- it was far more often for high-cost favors and when the favor-asker was male. Katz speculates that the men were displaying a “linguistic form of alpha male behavior,” in other words saying, “Hey, I’m higher than you in the dominance hierarchy- I have the resources.”

A common problem that many men run into on the quest to become “alpha” is how to refrain from turning into a bullheaded asshole. Can one be a gentleman and typify masculinity? Can one be a “nice” person and a master of women? Can one remain a human being on the path to becoming an alpha male? I believe another definition must come to fruition in order to differentiate between fixed-alpha and the adaptive-alpha, the first I call alpha omega while the latter remains simply the alpha.

What is alpha? I believe that etymology gives more weight to meaning, and this is certainly the case with our concept of “alpha male.” Alpha is the first letter of the Greek alphabet, transliterated as “a.” By using “alpha” as an adjective modifying the word “male,” a metaphorical image is created of a leader: the beginning, the first, the winner. An alpha star is the first and typically brightest star in a constellation. The alpha wolf is the socially dominant animal of the heard. How does one capture all the positive attributes of the alpha concept while retaining a sense of connection to the world at large?

Thus, a broader concept of positive lifestyle augmentation must come into play. This is also where another term must be created and defined.  “Omega” is the twenty-fourth, and final, letter of the Greek alphabet, transliterated as “o.” The word means the last of a series or the final development (i.e. the omega point.) The phrase “alpha and omega” is an established phrased used by many theologians and scholars as “the beginning and the end.” I use the phrase “alpha omega” to describe a man who is so fixed in his alpha-ness, that there is no room for reciprocal power shift by a female mate. An alpha omega is, in layman’s terms, a total asshole.

Think about Henry VIII. He guzzled down wives and queens in order to regurgitate his own legacy. When his first love Catherine of Aragon grew old and couldn’t give him a son, Henry VIII pushed her aside and married the mysterious and sexy Anne Boleyn. When Henry VIII’s passion for Anne Boleyn faded (she couldn’t give him a son, either) he chopped her head off so he could marry another. If that isn’t alpha omega, I don’t know what is.

Though women will be initially drawn to the power of the alpha omega, a strong woman will drop him as soon as he shows no intention of budging. The only long-term or truly substantial relationship an alpha omega will attract will be with a sub-par woman, seeking a sadistic authority figure to feed her masochistic pathology.

Conversely, “beta” is the second letter of the Greek alphabet, transliterated as “b.” It denotes the second of a series of items, categories, forms, etc. Programs that are labeled “beta” are in a trial format, or the final stages of development. A “beta version,” however capable, is not the projected final product and therefore short of completion. “Beta,” as an adjective, also refers to beta decay (radioactive decay in which an electron is emitted.) No matter the definition, “beta” is either second-best or on a downward spiral. A beta male is careful, submissive, and generally unremarkable. He is the bastard son of extremist feminism: a man who rides a bicycle and pretends it is a horse.

In a recent study conducted by social psychologist Diana Sanchez, she gathered data to support her claim that when men are subconsciously reminded of sex they suppress dominant thought. She suggests, “[Men] may have internalized social mores prescribing respect for women’s sexual wishes:”
…Men first saw a sex related term (climax, oral) or a neutral term (table, brick) for a fraction of a second, then had to decide whether a string of letters was a real word. Subjects were slower to recognize words associated with dominance (coerce, fierce) as real words if they’d been primed with the sexy words than the neutral ones.  Any modern human being living in a Western society that still believes “it’s a man’s world” is kidding his or herself.

James Brown is certainly correct in some areas of life, but his lyric does not ring true for all aspects of contemporary experience. Women often deceive themselves by believing that only women suffer. Men get all the good jobs. Men choose their mates or choose to leave them. Men are born into a world made for them. This assumption is outdated and absolutely incorrect. The modern man is born into a rough life. He is taught never to complain. He is taught to walk on eggshells around women. He is told that only girls cry. Beta males are the archetype of this modern condition.

What’s the solution? What Greek letter should men strive for in the quest to become happy, contributing members of the human race? My definition of “alpha male” lies in between “alpha omega” and “beta.” A true alpha male is a gentleman and a leader. He is a thinking human being and a courageous defender of what is right. He feels, yet is not too wrapped up to take positive action. He is deeper than a mass of muscle and sturdier than a mound of emotion. Alpha, therefore, is equilibrium between two extremes.
I believe that one projects what one will attract. Alpha omegas attract masochistic women. Beta males attract dictators. Alpha males attract quality human beings. Rather than wanting a constant stream of beautiful women in his bed, the alpha is simply and justly a “winner” with women, and winners are attractive.

photo by Elsie esq.