Hey there! My name is Liz, and I’m the editor of Sean Stephenson’s Inner Game Magazine. Every month, I write an article called “Getting Inside a Woman,” where I reveal what women are really thinking, feeling, and secretly DESIRING from men!
Recently, I was out to dinner with some friends and one of the guys was going on and on about everything that’s “awesome” about him… And I kept thinking, “Is he trying to impress us? Because it’s not working!” I quickly realized that bragging and showing off doesn’t work…and I’ll tell you why in a second…
But first, I have to tell you something about women. We are super intuitive. Even a ditzy drunk club chick is tapped in to the energy around her…
Which means that we don’t listen to what you’re SAYING… We listen to what you’re COMMUNICATING! Huh?
Okay, first of all, this doesn’t mean that we have some superhuman ability to read your mind… It just means that in addition to listening to what a man says, a woman is paying attention to HOW he says it (meaning body language and tone of voice) and… She’s wondering WHY he’s saying it. Okay, I know that sounds like a lot, but don’t panic… A man who is insecure will project insecurity in all situations…
A man who is confident in himself will project confidence in all situations… And yes, it’s the confident men that attract women. So why doesn’t bragging work? Clearly that guy is confident, right? Actually, probably not… He’s probably really insecure and overcompensating. How do I know? Because I know a lot of truly confident men and none of them feel the need to take a megaphone to the world and yell,
HEY EVERYONE, LOOK HOW COOL I AM!
To quote one of my favorite books, The Game, by Neil Strauss, “A rich man doesn’t have to tell you he’s rich.” Ultimately, ACTING confident isn’t going to cut it… You have actually have to get your inner game handled and BE confident! But hey, I used to be super insecure in my dating life, so I know it takes time to really develop inner confidence (though the journey is WORTH IT!!!)
In the meantime, I want to give you three techniques to “replace” bragging for the next time you’re out…
Unattractive Behavior #1: Showing off all your cool gadgets, toys, expensive cars, etc. Yes, it’s true, a good gold-digger will be dazzled by all of your bright shiny objects… Of course, if you want to attract a quality woman, you’re going to have to do more than show off your new iPhone or take her driving in your Bentley…
I’m not saying you can’t be wealthy, but quality women look for inner wealth (as in confidence) BEFORE we look at outer wealth.
The Attractive Alternative:
Tip your waitresses! And your waiters! Unless the service was truly awful, tip AT LEAST 20 percent.
See, while a man is showing off cool toys thinking, “look how much I can provide for you…” a non-gold-digging woman sees that you’ve provided well for YOURSELF…not necessarily that you’ll do anything for HER.
However, if she sees that you are generous to those around you (like giving a good tip) then she will be impressed.
The cool thing about that is you don’t have to be rich… Just take a girl out for coffee and throw a couple dollars in the tip jar. Trust me – she’ll notice.
Unattractive Behavior #2: Bragging about your accomplishments.
I’m not saying that you should hide information about yourself, but at some point, it gets exhausting hearing about all of your awards, trophies, and distinctions. It’s a date, not a job interview.
The Attractive Alternative:
Talk about what gets you excited, whether it’s your job, your hobby, or a great book that you’re reading. Women respond to passion and energy…so we are going to be more attracted to the guy who speaks with genuine excitement about surfing than the guy who speaks flatly about how he just got promoted.
Unattractive Behavior #3: Going on and on about yourself…
Have you ever seen the movie, The 40 Year Old Virgin? Even if you haven’t… There’s a scene where all Steve Carell does is ask a woman questions. For everything she says to him, he counters with a question about HER… The result? She’s wildly attracted to him!
Not only is the scene hilarious, but there’s some truth to it…women are really turned off by a guy who only talks about himself… And we are super TURNED ON by a guy who is curious about us.
The Attractive Alternative:
Ask her a lot of questions. Listen. Then she will know that you actually are interested in HER.
A word of caution about these three techniques – you can’t fake them!
These aren’t pick-up techniques; these are lifestyle shifts to adopt permanently. By the way, these shifts will help your dating life even if you aren’t the kind of guy who brags too much… So start practicing being more generous…when you’re around women and when you aren’t.
Start talking about what you’re really passionate about…and if you don’t know what that is, take steps to figure it out! After all, women want a man who knows what he wants…
And also, start practicing listening…good listening is a skill that will get you EVERYWHERE. (-:
I know that YOU have the ability to attract the women you want as long as you are willing to go on the journey to deal with your insecurities and build up your inner game…
Trust me — once you do that, women will FLOCK to you!
Your Inside Woman,
Liz
photo by rileyroxx
Simple and to the point. I enjoyed reading this and will keep this in mind.