There’s a certain irony I’ve noticed in the world of men’s dating advice these days that amazes me. And it’s this: While most guys, when polled, say they really want to find a great woman more than anything else, the vast majority of material I see out there focuses on how to get the quick lay, and pretty much leaves it at that. The craziest part? I don’t think I’m offering a groundbreaking announcement here. I think most people, even in the Seduction Community, know this.
It’s like an elephant in the chat room. All across the fruited plain, guys do a Google search to the effect of “How do I find a girlfriend?” and end up training to be a pickup artist.
How does this happen?
Well, the first contributing factor is what I believe to be a major disconnect between what guys really want and the kind of marketing that they respond to. Time and again, it has been proven by the Internet marketing gurus that certain types of web designs, certain copywriting tactics and even medium-red Tahoma Bold headlines beginning with “Who Else Wants To” are what cause people to buy.
Admittedly, even on my own websites I’m compelled to fall in line with proven design themes because they flat-out work. And likewise, for better or worse, two of the most historically effective memes in marketing are “sex sells” and “immediate gratification rules.” Said differently, even if a guy truly wants a great girlfriend, it’s going to be the promise of sex, as soon and as often as possible, that’s going to be what gets his attention first.
Second, it’s a matter of what makes the Internet tick in general. Most of us in this space tend to disclaim what we do as being “for entertainment purposes only.” Our intentions, of course, are to ensure the kind of legal protection that makes most of what you see out there branded as “dating advice” possible. The wild part is that in many cases, it’s the truth. Stuff really is “for entertainment purposes only.”
Online, one can remain largely anonymous. Therefore, one can basically say whatever one wants, go wherever one wants and partake of whatever one wants, all in “stealth mode.” The tremendous but largely underground popularity of Internet porn sites underscores this concept. People visit in droves, but usually don’t advertise this fact to anyone else. And while pickup and seduction really isn’t exactly porn, it’s still hella more fun to read about, post blogs about, and watch YouTube vids about than stuff like, oh, how to get a great woman in your life. But the fact remains: Most guys really, truly want more out of life than either a “quick and easy lay” or an endless series thereof. If you really, truly are convinced that a lifetime of one night stands is for you, then my guess is that you’ve already long since stopped reading this article.
But if you are indeed a guy who honestly envisions complete control over his dating life, culminating in a successful long-term relationship with the greatest woman you have ever known, I have a challenge for you.
And that challenge is this: What are you REALLY, TRULY doing proactively to make that happen in your life?
Have you been swallowed whole by a world that’s purely “for entertainment purposes” to you, or can you see the light at the end of the tunnel?
Yesterday morning I found some rare downtime and happened to watch the final half hour or so of The Open Championship live from Royal Birkdale, in England. If you aren’t a golfer, the important part here is it’s one of the most prestigious tournaments in the world. Padraig Harrington played the final few holes of the tournament brilliantly. When he finally sank that final putt on 18, having shaken the hands of his worthy competitors, his adoring wife made her way out to the green, carrying Padraig’s second son in her arms.
She arrived shortly after four-year-old Padraig, Jr, who had bounded out to his father as soon as he was allowed to and sprang into his arms, fully trusting that he would be caught. A moment later, the entire family was in an embrace, surely a world unto themselves at that point. They were savoring the moment together. Padraig, Sr’s countenance said it all. He was the happiest man on Earth. Yeah, winning the golf tournament, for the second year running, no less, was a phenomenal feat. But there was no denying that having those who were most important to him around to share the experience was what made the victory most satisfying.
Can your one night stand do that?
If not, why not evaluate where your focus is and how satisfied you are with the progress you are making when it comes to building real, holistic skills with women that can carry you through a lifetime of success. Even if you don’t win a major championship anytime soon, becoming a man who deserves what he wants and making it happen is truly its own reward.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
photo by borderlys
Great stuff, Scott. We need more articles like this!
TRex
Good observation about how in the community you can completely loose the opportunity of developing yourself to be a great human being, who’s capable of having a long term relation ship and a family. But, on the other hand, this community is based on a principle, and that’s to make guys approach the kind of women they’d like in their life, so that, they can have a long term relationship if they choose to. The community is all about giving options, making options, to anybody who wants to take that leap of faith and become a better human being. On one of the series of the pick up podcast they AJ and Jordan ( I can’t remember who was the guest speaker ) talked about how being attractive the whole time, specially if you’re in a long term relationship. This whole community is all about being the best you can be and taking the advice , on the internet since it’s the easiest,fastest way to get this advice, from people who have tried and failed, and that after a long time they were able to put the whole pieces of the puzzle together ( or one kind of puzzle ).
How to find a girlfriend?, … answer = get the life that you’ve always wanted. Whatever that is , as long as you are always honest to yourself and the other people around you, and without any kind of negative karma. Learn a new language, travel, play sports, cooking lessons, ski lessons, a car, a flat, awesome furniture, whatever it is, make your own life and make your own way. The girlfriend will fit in without a problem within this life equation. She will follow because you have an interesting life ,because you’re worth her time, and in the best case scenario, because you have a strong connection due to the fact that she also has an interesting life that can nourish you as well.
The community is the first step into getting into this, and all the time and effort put by all the people within this community shall never be undermined or forgotten.
Its about damn time someone posted this……..
Right on Scot this is what I’ve been sreamin scince I got here, much to the dismay of others. It rally does amaze me just how quickly people abandon what they want fot something less satisfying because well its better than failure right. The problem with ONS’s, the probelm with only chasing sex is that well its not the sole reason we were created its a “side effect” of a much deeper connectiona nd attraction, hence why it only gets better over the long term.
People are attempting to treat side effect in this community, something they warn about in the medical community. Look lack of sex is a side effect of something much larger, the lack of ability to attract and hold amazing women in thier lives. Now most will confuse themselves by thinking if they are having sex that they are cured. The problem is you just took care of the side effect, attracting a quality woman in your life, and in you bed aren’t the same thing.
And to that end perhaps we should change what we chase….we shouldn’t persue sex, we should persue a deep connection with an amazing person. And BTW do that and you’ll also be havin lots of amazing sex. Funny thing is most dont realize they could have both by only persuing one, yet most persue the worng one. A woman, hecka relatioship is good for more than just sex. And sex is the bi product, the physical act of that feeling. Chase the feeling, Find a great woman and you shall get far far more than if you just persued the ONS.
Quality becomes much more important than quanity….its not about filling a spreadsheet with names to impress your pals, its about filling your life with some amazing experiences. Part of what makes moments in life special is someone to share it with. Maybe brooks and done have it right when they sing “if your world feels like theres somethin missing just put a girl in it.” On of the first things i noticed when I stated to become sucessful, and raise my status from a 7-10 is the quality of women in my life. I could care less if I have the quanity give me one great woman everyday beets having just any woman anyday.
Nice. I like that the focus of Pickup Podcast seems to be “increasing your own social value”, rather than “picking up” only.
Right on guys. Thanks for the kind words. There are LOTS of guys who are in this for real results instead of “entertainment purposes”, and they’re the ones who will ultimately end up with the best women. @Mister_N: Did you see my previous post here? I think you’d like.
Cheers,
Scot