Hey guys - I’ve got a huge topic to discuss with you today. I can safely say it’s something you’ve wondered about, (if you’re like most of the guys I meet) and that you’re still probably a little confused by it. At the end of this message is a tried & true technique that will ALWAYS give you the answer to the question: Is she ready to be kissed?
You never want to make your move too soon, of course – but you also never want to wait forever, closing the door on the sexual tension that is flowing. I got an interesting question from a guy named Darren a few weeks back, which gives me the ideal path into this topic: And hats off to him, because he honestly admits his shortcoming.
Most guys won’t admit it, but they fumble this moment like a rookie running back. Want to be Walter Payton?
Listen up:
Dear Stephen,
Recently, I was out on a date with a great girl I met at a party. A number of times in the evening, she would look at me and hold the stare a bit longer than usual. I kept thinking, “she wants me to kiss her”. was so nervous though, that I never went for it! What is the best way to set up a kiss with a girl? I mean, I know how to kiss her, I just wonder if there is a cool way to make the move. Help!
Thanks,
Darren
CT
Darren, Darren, Darren…I feel your pain, man.
First of all, don’t worry – this is by far the TOP question I get from guys. “How do I smoothly go from talking to kissing?”
Surprisingly, even the most skilled guys I’ve come across are constantly looking to handle this tricky situation a bit better.
So, here we go – the step-by-step guide to being super smooth when it’s time to smooch:
In my estimation, this is where most guys blow it. They know the girl is ready to be kissed, yet they freeze up and pass a bunch of good opportunities to make a move,waiting for that perfect one. Even worse, they’ll wait hoping the woman will make the first move. (Don’t do that Darren…please)
If you’re the kind of guy who hesitates, I got news for you… There are no perfect windows of opportunity, just many good ones,and 99% of the time she will not be the first to initiate any form of intimacy. If she does, consider yourself lucky. How do we handle this highly charged moment?
Very simply (as always with me).
Here are some steps, because I have a hunch you like structure (like me):
1) The first thing to make sure of is that you’re both having a good time, getting along well and physical contact has been established. It could be anything from holding hands, to a playful push on the shoulder. At this point, it is important that she has touched you in some way indicating interest on her part.
2) When you feel you have reached this point, start slowing down the energy of the interaction. Start subtly moving a bit closer to her, slowing down your speech, and take longer pauses between sentences. The thought here is SUBTLE.
3) Now here’s the secret, the one move that will assure you to be remembered by her as the smoothest guy ever… During each of those pauses in your conversation,stare at her lips. You can even start talking again, though slowly, still staring at her lips. Start slowly moving in closer. The words you’re saying at this point become irrelevant; the sexual tension in the air will be too thick.
4) Slowly move your eyes from her mouth to her eyes and back again. If she has not moved away, or shown any sign of unease, you can place a hand on her hip and bring her in closer.
5) Usually she will lean in the rest of the way and kiss you. After all, at this stage, your lips should only be an inch or two away from hers. Congratulations! In her mind, you are now the world’s smoothest man. Now, I realize that may be a bit of a “high dive” for some of you.
Let’s lower this a bit, and give you one more technique to know if it’s on. Women always wear perfume, right?
It’s safe to say that a woman will usually head out with a fragrance and it will usually be featured around her neck area.
Say this:
“Mmmm, you’re wearing a nice fragrance tonight – what’s the scent?” Then, lean in and subtly sniff her neck. Meanwhile, observe her body language – does she flinch when you get closer? Or, does she stay calm or even move in to you, inviting you to get closer? If it’s the latter, then it’s TIME – no question about it. All you do next is simply move back a bit (but not back to where you were before you leaned over), and do steps 4 & 5 from above…
Oh, and take a deep breath…you’re going to need it.
See ya soon,
Stephen.
photo by applescruff
Is a kiss universally natural step to sex? Is not there a bit of cultural conditioning?
Japanese HB was grabbing my ass and sitting in my lap in a club. She was reluctant to kiss as she said the japanese ladies do not do it. She is from Honsu country side.
Yes, Japanese women kiss. (My ex-wife, my wife, and all the girlfriends in between were Japanese. Not that large a number…)
Perhaps she meant that they don’t kiss in public. But then, they don’t sit on people’s laps very often in clubs, either. Being from the country side might have something to do with it.
And it might mean that she doesn’t kiss until she is ready to have sex, either right then or in the future. Come to think of it, 100% of the Japanese women that I have kissed I have had sex with.
Where did you meet? Where, exactly, is she from?
Ed
In Dublin. Near (110km) Okinawa. Don’t you need Asako’s photo too?
I was just wondering if you were in Japan or elsewhere.
So, she is in a foreign country, that means that the rules are relaxed and she is free to act in a way that she can’t at home. If fact, most Japanese that live abroad for any length of time experience significant culture shock on returning to their home country.
Honshu and Okinawa are a lot further apart than 110 kilometers.
Ed
This all is irrelevant to my original cue: now the KISS is an institution… I mean KISS as the tool of turning point, the vehicle of window of opportunity. It develop so through social and cultural nurture as non-embarrassing part of sex. In other words is all this focus (move your eye from eye to mouth feels over-scripted) on kiss directed properly, should not one see something deeper, some under surface natural base of getting close that just exhibits in kiss because KISS is widely accepted=comfortable and easy to perceive.
As far as I remember this was a question in my teens as I really did not perceive a kiss as something that one does naturally in order to step into sex. It felt rather like something what you do automatically when in certain proximity. My first big proper kiss was at a party game, it was good so as to technique and natural feel. This helped to release the tension, but thus the question. I know it works well but still can anyone else also feel artificiality in this focus… lets go for a sniff rather.
Okinawa was error… correct i must check it eee Gunma is the answer.
There is another ethological point to my cue: differences in mating dances define the species of otherwise inter-breedable birds species. There are also regionally based differences in mating in some species. Thus the KISS differences (how big it is as a step-to-sex norm in different cultures) might be something in Evolution’s “intention”:)
Gunma is a pretty rural area of Japan, so that might be it. And I don’t know many people from there, so I don’t have special insight into the local culture she comes from.
Yes, there is a difference in how cultures perceive a kiss. I don’t think that the Japanese kissed much at all before westernization really got going. So, here in Japan it is a much bigger step towards intimacy that most other places. And it is more sexual that in other countries. Adults do not kiss their mothers, even after a long absence. Even little kids don’t kiss their mothers, at least in most families. So, it is not a socially acceptable=comfortable way to get in under the radar on the way to sex in Japanese culture.
So. the underlying turning point is getting into intimate personal space. In traditional Japan that would probably have included faces being very close together, heads touching, etc. And maybe, in the rice paddies or Gunma, if a girl liked you, she grabbed your ass. The Japanese can be very earthy and accepting of sexuality while seeming reserved and standoffish in other ways, because, as you said, there are regionally based differences in the mating dance.
Ed
Fair play to you Ed. So how is your own feeling towards your sources of KISS? Nature or nurture?
I think you should write a big comment or a new post on Japanese ways. Or conceal it as a comment on pickup style under the Tenmagnet’s “different cultures” post. Did you experience girls working in a pub by just sitting there and looking good (seductive?). Guys thus drink more or something. May be conversation was included. Silly as lapdance, same money, less efford. Asako did not like the job though.
A good way to know if a woman wants to kiss you is to watch her eyes. If she’s looking at your lips, she’s thinking about it; if she’s licking her lips, she’s expecting you to kiss her any second. Touch her cheek or her chin. If she pulls away, you’ve misread the situation, if she wants to kiss you, she’ll lean in for it. Then go for it.