Ok, so it’s no secret that women want the cool guy. And the cool guy only wants to be friends with other cool guys (meaning, if you want cool guy friends, you better be cool too). So it seems obvious that you’d want to be that cool guy, right?
Luckily, it’s a lot easier than you might think. You see, despite what the average teen movie would have you believe, you don’t need to be handsome or rich, and stuffing nerds into lockers and dumpsters does not a cool guy make.
My friend Austin is a perfect example of a truly cool guy. What makes him so cool? He’s nice to everyone. He appreciates everyone. He does NOT think he’s too cool for anyone.
This is counter intuitive to what most pick up artists teach. They suggest that to appear cool, you need to “DHV” (demonstrate higher value) and “AMOG” (stands for alpha male of the group) the other guys that could potentially be cooler than you—amogging them makes them look stupid. These techniques are the signs of guys who deep down, know they aren’t really all that cool, so they have to pretend.
Back to Austin, and why he’s the cool guy. Recently, Austin played a show locally (he’s a musician) and afterwards he took the time to go around and personally thank everyone for coming. He really appreciated our support. Not in a cheesy, fake way; he genuinely was grateful that we chose to come support him and enjoy the music instead of doing any other of a million things we could have done instead.
It’s his appreciation for his friends, family, and fans that make him cool. If he had acted like we were all idiots who clearly didn’t have anything better to do, or if he had decided he was above hanging with “the masses,” he would be acting like a douche.
Lots of guys are so petrified to appear needy that they go to the other extreme and start acting like they are untouchable Gods that always have something better to do and some place better to be…and then they wonder why, at the end of the night, they are back on the couch in mom’s basement.
You want to be the cool guy? Make the people around you know that you appreciate their presence in your life.
With people in the service industry (like waiters), be kind, ask them “how’s it going?” and thank them. Tip generously.
With your friends, make the effort and express appreciation when it’s reciprocated (“Hey man, thanks for coming out tonight. Great to see you.”).
With women, a compliment to show how much you enjoy being with her goes a long way. Doesn’t have to be heartfelt poetry, just a quick, sweet line (“Glad I picked you to spend my Friday night with.”)
If someone, especially a woman, does think you’re some kind of freak for actually enjoying their company, that’s because they are insecure, not because you’re actually uncool. Think about it: if someone thinks there’s something wrong with you for liking them, they must not think much of themselves; even if they act like they are too cool for you, it’s clearly the other way around.
So chill out, appreciate the people around you, and enjoy being the cool guy.
It’s funny to think back to how much I owe the women in my life for making me the person I am today. Without some of the hard lessons I’ve learned, perhaps my career path would have been different. Just recently, a friend had run into an old girlfriend of mine from when I was about 22 years old. She had asked what I was up to and he mentioned The Art of Charm to her. She was a bit shocked to hear what I was doing for a living. She laughed it off saying that when she met me that she had thought I was a very shy boy.
This got me thinking about the lessons that I had learned from her. It had me thinking about how every girlfriend had made me a better man. We often talk about leaving women better than we found them and we try our best no matter how hard that may be. But what about us? What has each relationship taught us about ourselves? What lessons have we learned and what pieces of the puzzle were a little more clear with each passing lover?
Certainly, we can learn a thing or two about sex. I definitely owe one special girl most of the credit for that one. She basically showed me what was what and took the time to allow me to go under the hood and really look at what was going on down there. The women who have had their nights rocked hanging with me should probably e-mail her a thank you note. Women’s bodies can be a little intimidating to a young man. Sure, they all have the same parts, but all women respond differently to different stimulation. I was not too sure about what I was doing, but she provided a road map and a general operations manual to world of all things va-jay-jay.
Communication and just an overall approach on how to act in a relationship can be a bit of trouble shooting itself. I remember the first time having to think in a “we” mentality and not thinking for just me. These are the small things that can really be a problem for the first time if you are not used to it. I remember telling my first real girlfriend I was going to see some movie and how excited I was to go, and she gave me the evil eye asking when I felt like including her in the scenario. I had no idea to even ask her. Man, I heard about that for at least a month.
I think the biggest lesson of all was seeing someone believe in me so much that I actually started to believe in myself. I think for most boys, we tend to start out pretending to be a badass at whatever it is we are excited about. For me, it was music and life itself. Having so many women invest their time and energy into me when I was still wet behind the ear says a lot of my acting abilities. If it wasn’t for the women handing me some large victories, I might not have ever been able to carry out anything. Just having someone believing in you so much, standing by your side can be enough for you to feel like you are invincible.
Think back on the lessons you have learned that made life easier for you. Who was the girl who showed you the way? Who made it easier for all the other woman in your life? Who will be the girl who straightens you out so that you will be able to have longer lasting and fulfilling relationships?
“To all the girls I once caressed
And may I say I’ve held the best
For helping me to grow
I owe a lot I know
To all the girls I’ve loved before” – Albert Hammond
Josh Klein is a bad-ass hack…er…we mean ‘computer security expert’ who consults Fortune 500 companies and government agencies that we can’t name or we’d have to kill you (and that would be a shame). In his spare time he’s talked his way into the Davos Economic Forum, given a TED talk, and invented a box [...]
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